My notes, taken on Vidals phone which I didn’t know how to operate so a few details may be wrong but here’s the jist of tonight’s game:

BAD wins the charge and it’s a slow pace to start out with, both teams playing very cautiously, bad won the charge and has 2 shots In 1st minute. Still very cautious play from both sides. Bad is playing the double team strategy not allowing the clear passing. Malice is playing very defensively but aidan scores at 3:56. Matt comes out of goal and has Malice’s 1st shot on goal but it’s blocked by dt. Malice are playing a bit too cautious and Aidan scores at 6:50. Andy puts Maice on the board with a goal at 8:54. dt is released and scores at 10:00 and Aidan scores at 1055 and again at 11:48.
Final for 1st game 5-1 BAD

Aidan wins the ball with the lefty charge taking Iain out. Brendan scores first at 3:01 This one is turning out to be not such a cautious game as the first with neither team having complete possession. Malice are playing 3 out and Brendan scores again at 8:20. Iain puts one in for Malice at 9:04. Aidan scores at 11:00 Brendan at 14:00.
Final for 2nd game 4-1 BAD

Malice has 1st possession and first shot on goal with a miss. Good defense from malice but dt is released, he takes it up to the crease and Brendan scores at 2:29. Dave is still released with no result yet, but he scores at 4:15. Brendan goes 1 on 1 with Iain in goal and loses, but promptly takes him out and Brendan scores at 6:55. Aidan scores at 7:54 and 8:41.
Final for 3rd game 5-0 BAD

Both teams played progressively better as the games went on. BAD just out-did Malice who just couldn’t get proper control of the ball or finish on the many breaks they created.
BAD were playing complete coverage, often double teaming any member of Malice with possession completely blocking any chance of a clear pass.

Matt is my mvp, creating several breaks with some unorthodox plays and almost always coming up with the ball when it was near. Too bad he can’t pass properly or shoot straight!

Los Coños V Black Rebel BPC
30th March, Newington

Game 1 (3-1)
A hatrick from Ali 1.48, 5.57 and 12.45
Goal from BR sub Andy Lockett at 11.00

Game 2 (1-5)
Andy put BR ahead at 2.40 and Jo got one back at 3.17. The goals from BR just kept on coming after this and the 5th was scored at 10.45.
The five goals from Black rebel reads like a BAD scoresheet… ADDAD

Game 3 (2-1 GG)
Over 10 minutes with no goal.
Ali opened scoring at 10.18 for Los Coños, followed by an equaliser from Andy with just a minute remaining.
Two minutes into Golden Goal, Dan had a good break and almost scored, but collided with Sarah’s mallet and ball was saved. The winner came at 17.40 by Jo after a battle in front of the BR goal and Ali and Jo were fighting who wanted to score the winner.

Cold, but enjoyable games. Good to see Black Rebel back on the court!

BAD Polo v Black Rebel BPC
27th March, Newington

An early morning weekend start equals no ref or goal ref volunteers, so sorry its not much of a report as I was concentrating on the game too much to make notes.

Game 1 (5-1)
Aidan 1’00
Dave rides into the fence and breaks his brake
Brendan 5’10. A time-out is called to fix Dave’s bike
Aidan 5’45
o/g Dan 8’00 (Aidan’s shot is saved and the keeper goes down, there’s now an open goal with both Brendan and Aidan waiting to tap the ball in, but Dan gets in there first!)
o/g Dave 8’40 (Dave gives one back to BR when the ball was rolling towards him in goal, he goes out to meet it to push it away with his mallet but it clips the edge and he knocks it in!)
Aidan finishes the game at 10’05

ABAogA – og

Game 2 (5-0)
A faster paced game than the first which saw BAD getting 5 goals in 6.5 minutes.

Dave 1’45
Brendan 4’40
Aidan 5’15
Aidan 5’55 (a special mention to his counter attack goal here. Aidan’s speed gave BR no chance.)
Brendan 6’33

DBAAB

Game 3 (5-1)
Aidan wins the charge and takes the ball up to score in 7 seconds
Aidan 3’05
BR sub Andy Lockett gets one back at 4’04 with a powered shot straight through BAD’s goal.
Aidan 7’17
Brendan 8’19
Aidan 9’40

AAABA – L

I came down to watch this game with Dave’s parents. A shame a broken brake and an own goal meant Dave couldn’t show his magic to its full potential, but a brilliant performance by the BAD boys anyway

The games saw fiasco go two one up Malice hitting cones fiasco defending well Andy sitting in goal Mat killing Adrienne Tony shooting well Malice playing all out for five goals (fail).

Rain wiped any mark of names to goals. Credit lies like the unknown dead.

Both teams however seemed to cope with the rain, instead they were hampered more by significant cases of the ball bobbling” – Emmet

pic: Mallet-hooking Louis prevents Emmet from scoring.

Write up by Sara below the fold.

Emmet takes the charge and gets the first goal of the game in 20″. But Polonium 210, nicely warmed up from their games with Los Coños, come straight back and start attacking well with Louis almost leveling by hitting the cones. It was at 3’30″ when Tom claimed the first goal for Polonium whilst Massive Cogs left their goal open. Cameron puts Cogs back in the lead at 5’10″ and one minute later, glory-hunter Louis equals the scores at 2 each. This goal should have been Tanya’s, but was wickedly stolen from her within the D by her own team mate!

The game really could have gone either way at this point, both teams having great chances. Cameron, battling through despite major mechanical issues with his rear wheel, failing to convert on many. Tanya making a great save from one of Cameron’s shots, foots-down and leaves goal. Emmet takes advantage of the open gap and makes it 3-2 at 8’30″. This is followed by some excellent defending from Polonium with awesome saves from Tom, whilst John instructs his team mates well from goal at the other end of the court. Emmet scores again 5 minutes later. Desperate not to let the game go to 5 goals, Polonium defend hard. With less than 30 seconds to go, the ball is sitting on their goal line and unbelievably it doesn’t go through despite many attempts from Cogs. A lucky escape indeed! Game one ends 2-4.

No goals in the second game until John shoots an incredibly powerful ball at 3.5 minutes, leaving Polonium no chance of stopping it going through. Cameron follows up with two goals at 4’38″ and 6’40″, and John again at 8’30″. It looks like Polonium were going to hold them off getting to 5 again, with lefty-Louis making some great saves and some defensive mallet play! With just 10 seconds to go, the ball is back on the Polonium goal line and after 4 or 5 shots and deflections, Cameron manages to finally get the ball over the line! This time its unlucky for Polonium as the game finished 0-5.

Game three sees Cogs getting it together better and Cameron scoring just before the first minute is up and again at 2’43″. Polonium hold them off after this defending well, and the Cogs are struggling to get the ball past Tom. However, patience wears off and Cameron gets two more (10’50″ and 11’42″). Aiming to make it 5, Cameron has a few more chances, before Emmet pops up and strikes the winning goal. Game end 0-5, at 12’30″.

Game 1 (1-4)
T-Minus 15 minutes and Jo’s off like a rocket to win the charge, some sweet passing from the girls out front enabled Ali to open the scoring for Los Coños at 2’40, followed by an equalizer from Aram at 4’30. Los Coños had the majority of possession and chances in the first 5 minutes, but failed to convert on many. However, a beautiful reverse-shot from Jo put the girls ahead again at 5’45.
A powerful on-target shot from Ed from back in his own D almost put the teams level again, but was saved by Sarah. Two more goals from Los Coños (Ali at 8’15 and Jo at 11’15) ensured them the first point of the day.

Game 2 (1-2)
Spinal Tap Out needed to change their play for the second game, and showed this with plenty of attacks. Again, lots of breaks for Los Coños, but frustratingly, Spinal Tap Out always having time to get back and defend. Both team played doggedly for over 2 thirds of the game, with good passing throughout and it wasn’t until 9’15 when Jo got the first goal of the game. For the next five minutes there were lots of saves to make at either end and then, with just one minute to go, Prav got the equalizer for Spinal Tap Out. The game eventually went to Golden Goal with Jo scoring at 16’30.

Game 3 (0-5)
With the pressure off and more confidence gained, Los Coños knew they could take the fixture. With Sarah staying strong in goal, Jo and Ali racked up the goals… Jo at 2’45 and a hat-trick for Ali (9’20, 10’15 and 11’30), and with just 30 seconds to go, Jo made it 5-0 for the girls. Although the boys made some nice breaks they seemed to bunch together a bit too much and failed to capitalise on any space making opportunities, it was a shame they couldn’t get any goals in this game.

These were very good games to watch, nice clean play with both teams looking like they enjoyed the fixture.
Not just pretty faces, these girls are full of awesome-ness and are a joy to watch!

Goal Scorers

GAME 1
Ali 2.40
Aram 4.30
Jo 5.45
Ali 8.15
Jo 11.15

GAME 2
Jo 9.15
Prav 13.58
Jo 16.30 GG

GAME 3
Jo 2.45
Ali 9.20
Ali 10.15
Ali 11.30
Jo 14.30

Cosmic³ vs. Los Coños

An eagerly anticipated fixture found the polo masses huddled round London’s famous Newington court 2.

Los Coños are the crowd’s favourites due to a combination of local pride and the allure of the underdog, but Cosmic³ are playing well this season, and Los Coños will need to be at their very best if they’re to get anything out of this fixture…

Game 1
Todd is first to the ball, but nothing spectacular comes of it, and the two teams warily feel their respective ways into the game. Both teams are finding the conditions treacherous, with Newington’s usually slippery-when-wet surface being compounded by a smattering of fallen leaves that remain after the efforts of many to clear the courts beforehand.

Cosmic³ have the best of the early exchanges, but Los Coños have a few good attacks, and it looks like there may be a few spaces for them to explore. Los Coños are bossing the defence, Hops is looking unflappable in goal, and just to make sure Cosmic³ don’t get too cocky Jo (gently) kills Todd in the face with a swinging mallet. Cosmic³ press hard, but the ball comes loose, and Jo seizes on it to put Los Coños 1-0 up after 5m minutes, followed a minute and a half later by Ali taking it to the kitchen.
The slippy slidy ice world that is Newington is causing a lot of problems for Cosmic³, who don’t seem to be able to play their usual high speed game. Matt in particular is sliding all over the shop, including a worm’s eye view of Hops’ sprocket as he slides across the tarmac following a meeting with the brick-wall defence that is Ali, but he recovers minutes later to slip one through Hops’ BB.
Jo takes it upfield, but can only get as far as the breakfast bar, but the crowd’s approving roars are for Ali, who deftly blocks out Matt with an awesome skid.10 minutes have gone, and Cosmic³ are trailing. Matt fires up the troops “Come on, we can do this!”, and as Ali dabs out, Matt goes 1-on-1 with Hops, who keeps out the shot, but can’t prevent Tom putting in the rebound.
As both teams press for what could be the winner, Matt takes revenge on Ali, squeezing her out against the fence, but as the game clock passes into Golden Goal territory, it’s Ali’s turn to get over-enthusiastic, and she gets sent tapping after boning Tom. Matt’s getting fired up, and his mallet wrestling is sending Los Coños’ mallets to all corners of the court – he looks pumped, and many would do well to heed Bill’s sage advice: “Never trust an angry hippy!”
Cosmic³ just can’t find a way through though, and Los Coños are looking dangerous on the break, but suddenly, in a move that one can only subscribe to shady Middle-Eastern betting syndicates, Hops dabs, and Matt rounds a stranded Ali to score.

Cosmic³ 3 – 2 Los Coños
0-1, Jo, 5m14s
0-2, Ali, 6m34s
1-2, Matt, 10m15s
2-2, Tom, 12m20s
3-2, Matt, Golden Goal (dunno the time, but it must’ve been close to 20m)

Game 2
A long break as Cosmic³ huddle up and talk tactics. It clearly works, as straight from the joust, Todd nicks the ball up to the top left, before cutting back across goal and finding Hops’ BB! Mere seconds gone, and it’s 1-0.
Cosmic³ are running the show now, and a minute later, Matt makes it 2-0. The commentary team would have been able to give a more polished description, had they not been ignoring the game and talking about someone getting a wotsit in the unmentionables…

Following the adoption of a more focussed approach, and the scrawling of DON’T MENTION THIS on my notes, we turn our attention back to the game, where Tom is clearly reneging on his pre-match chat about spending more time in goal, as he strikes twice in a minute, one of which being a sublime touch whilst reaching across his bike.
Less than 5 minutes gone, and it looks like Cosmic³ might wrap this one up, but Ali keeps them in check, making it 4-1, before Todd rounds out the game, driving solidly up the middle and holding off Ali.

Cosmic³ 5 – 1 Los Coños
1-0, Todd, 9s
2-0, Matt, 1m18s
3-0, Tom, 4m00s
4-0, Tom, 4m50s
4-1, Ali, 5m25s
5-1, Todd, 6m35s

Game 3
Cosmic³ are looking for the clean sweep, and Tom’s fast out of the blocks. He winds one up, swings… and scuffs it. Cosmic³ regroup, and it falls to Tom again, but this time his mallet finds nothing but air. Back to your goal-tending duties Tom! He’s clearly not the same without his beard…
Tom heads back to the kitchen, and Todd breaks out. His first effort is blocked, but he collects the rebound, circles, then slots it home. It looked like a wheely goal, but hit behind him, and under his back wheel as he pulled a stoppy!
Half a minute later, and Todd cleverly distracts Los Coños by rolling around on the floor. Ali loses track of the ball, and Matt swoops to score like a big blue vulture, before circling like a condor and finding the 5-hole again. Finally breaking with the raptor theme (what a carrion, eh?) Matt goes for a wheely, but his shot is blocked. Luck deserts him again, as he finds the goal, but only via a shuffle…
Cosmic³ have really bossed the second and third games, and Los Coños are starting to look pinker in the face than they do in their smart new t-shirts. Matt is winning the battle of the block, and sets up Tom, but Hops keeps it out via an alarmed squawk. Matt takes it to the by-line, and Tom takes up position a couple of yards out. “Drop it! Drop it!” Matt drops it, and Tom doesn’t miss from there, shaven or not.
Cosmic³ win the ball back from the restart, and Todd wraps things up, sneaking one in at the near post via Hops’ front disc.

Cosmic³ 5 – 0 Los Coños
1-0, Todd, 1m34s
2-0, Matt, 1m58s
3-0, Matt, 2m50s
4-0, Tom, 6m10s
5-0, Todd, 6m53s

Cosmic³ win the fixture 3-0, and everyone gathers round for hugs…

Spinal Tap Out V SLAP. Oct 29th, Newington SE1.

Spinal Tap Out 4 (E,E,P,E) – SLAP 2 (JM,Jy)

Spinal Tap Out 5 (E,E,E,P,P) – SLAP 1 (JM)

Spinal Tap Out 2 (P,E) – SLAP 3 (JM,R,R)

With both teams having been defeated by BAD Polo earlier in the evening and each yet to win their first league games, this was a fixture that both teams needed to gain points from.

It was almost 5 minutes before Ed opened the scoring for Spinal Tap Out, and then again at 8 minutes. John came back for SLAP with a great shot at 10min 30sec. Further goals from Prav (12’30), Johnny (13’20) and another from Ed at almost 14 minutes before time was called. Game ended with Spinal Tap Out winning 4-2.

SLAP showed really good promise at the start of the second game. John scored in under a minute, giving SLAP the lead. However, goals from Ed (2’05, 6’05, 9’15) and two late goals from Prav in the 11th minute ensured Spinal Tap Out the win.

The 3rd game was a thriller! A frustrated SLAP really wanted this one. Again John scored the first goal at 40’. Then at 2’15 Prav scored a particularly great goal to equalise. Robb, who went down hard injuring himself in an earlier game and had spent a lot of time in goal, decided to really go for it after this and put SLAP back in the lead at 7 minutes. Both teams fought hard with lots of chances from each end until the last minute when Robb scored again, making it 3-1, and Ed followed up quickly to make the final score 3-2.

Sorry for not much info in the right up..some of those goals were worthy of more detail, but this was the 3rd game I reffed this evening and my hands were too cold too write!

Zombie United vs. Polo Fiasco

Having finally deciphered my scrawled notes from the evening, here’s the match report.

Played at London’s famous Mitchison Road court, this fixture had a certain air of desperation from the start. Following the changing of the clocks, it was almost certain that the lights would go out before the three games could be played.
Would the games be completed? Had the timer on the lights been changed? Only time would tell…

Game 1

Fiasco are the quicker out of the blocks, Josh and Tony both well warmed up by some pre-fixture throw-ins. Zombie on t’other hand look sluggish, and their lack of focus is swiftly punished as Tony fires a wicked shot through a very surprised Yorgo’s rear spokes. A mere 35 seconds gone, and Fiasco are in the lead, a situation compounded just over a minute later as Josh puts over a second.
Zombie settle down a bit, a Yorgo break drawing a loud (and effective) “Penis!” from Josh, but they’re not using the space well, and it takes some solid keeping from Hassan in keeping out three one-on-one attacks from Fiasco.
10 minutes gone, and finally Zombie get a foot in the door, Yorgo pulling one back, but Fiasco continue to pile on the pressure, Mike making a great save with his front wheel, then popping up a shot from Tony, who tries to head home the rebound, before re-gathering the ball and slotting home Fiasco’s third.
Zombie desperately go in search of goals, but Fiasco hold the line, Tony recovering from a foot-down to streak back into defence at warp factor 8 and blocking Mike’s certain goal right at the death.

Zombie United 1 – 3 Polo Fiasco

Game 2
A quick turnaround, and Zombie come flying out of the blocks. No prizes for guessing who wins the charge, or where the ball ends up… “Where are you Mike?” calls out everyone’s favourite pistachio muncher.
“Where I usually am!” comes the laconic reply!
Some fast play ensues, and the treacherous under-tyre conditions lead to some hairy moments, Hassan hitting the deck and going knee-sliding on more than one occasion. His commitment pays off though, as he nets the opener, beating Tony as Mike, Josh and Adrienne all tap-out following a goalmouth domino rally session.
Fiasco look to hit back quickly, and come close, but Snoops declares “No goal!” whilst stuff, and Adrienne lets slip the secret behind her “Best keeper in the league” tag – “My boobs got in the way!”
Into the middle of the allotted 15 minutes, and the match really catches fire, with goals from Josh (following a lovely BB pass from Tony), then Yorgo, then Josh. All this excitement is lost on the spectators however, who are more intrigued by Yorgo’s appearance in Rupert’s helmet (he’d left his own in the pub).
Em: “Don’t you think he looks like Chan in that helmet?”
Gabes: “No he looks more like a human cannonball…”
It’s a tight game, and Yorgo’s cries of “Sorry!” (12 in the first game) are being replaced by “Fuck!” and “Merde!” culminating in an anguished cry of “FUCK – ADRIENNE!” Fiasco’s keeper produces her umpteenth solid block of the tie, and tips the game past the 15 minute mark and into Golden Goal territory, where finally Yorgo gets his reward, scoring after nearly 19 minutes of hard-fought hardcourt action.

Zombie United 3 – 2 Polo Fiasco

Game 3

The timekeepers are nervous. If the lights do go out at 9 o’clock, then we’ve only got 12 minutes of play. The teams agree that they’ll take the result when darkness falls.
And it looks like a result might be on the cards! An even quicker start than the first game sees Tony ping the ball through Yorgo’s spokes again!
Zombie regroup, and discuss the situation…
Yorgo: “We don’t pass enough.”
Spectators: “We’ve been telling you that all evening!”
Zombie take the ball upfield, and another domino rally session results in Yorgo’s cry of “It’s you and Tony, Mike! Don’t fuck it up!” Mike fails to score… There’s a real edgy feeling to this game, everyone’s after a result before darkness falls, and the pendulum swings towards Zombie as Hassan and then Mike find a way through Fiasco’s defence. Yorgo almost puts the tie beyond reach when his outrageous t-bone attempt on Josh fails, and he nicks the ball! He’s through on goal, but a wild shot flies across the D and into the corner.
With Gabes looking at his watch, Fiasco push forward, and suddenly Josh fires home an equaliser! As he wheels away in celebration, there’s a click, and the lights go out.

Polo Fiasco celebrate their equaliser:

2-2, what to do? Decamp to Broadway, that’s what! Everyone quickly packs up, and a convoy of blinking LEDs twiddles its way East…

With four minutes left to play, Zombie re-start at London’s favourite rail-garnished polo den. As the teams adjust to their new surroundings, play is initially cautious, but a couple of minutes in, and Yorgo scores Zombie’s third. A couple of minutes later, Gabes calls time and it’s all over.

Zombie United 3 – 2 Polo Fiasco

Result – Los Conos v Malice Int. Reffed by Turd, timekept by that imposter Skoota with Tomasito and dt making goal reffing an art form.

Game 1.

L C 0 – 1 Malice 43″ Andy

L C 1 – 1 Malice 2’02″ Jo

L C 1 – 2 Malice 3’02″ Matt

L C 1 – 3 Malice 6’12″ Ian

L C 1 – 4 Malice 8′ 00″ Andy

L C 2 – 4 Malice 12’30″ Ali

L C 2 – 5 Malice 13’55″ Ian

Really cracking first game which was pretty much end to end. Jo and Ali showing there telepathic understanding to grab a couple of goals including Ali’s which was amongst the best of the night combining passing, blocking and clinical finishing. Malice too strong as score suggests, and Sarah’s legendary goal-keeping was put to a full test and nearly took this first game to the duration.

Game 2.

L C 0 – 1 Malice 2’40″ Andy

L C 0 – 2 Malice 3’00″ Ian

L C 0 – 3 Malice 3’40″ own goal

L C 0 – 4 Malice 6’25″ Matt

L C 1 – 4 Malice 9’08″ Jo

L C 1 – 5 Malice 13’00 Andy

Those three goals in the space of a minute really stamped Malice’s authority on the game. A late rally from Los Conos kept this game going til just short of two minutes from time and they might easily scored a couple of more than the single. Please also note the ‘baywatch fall’ from Matt at 12’00 in this game. Beautiful stuff.

Game 3.

L C 0- 1 Malice 3’00″ Ian

L C 0- 2 Malice 5’33″ Ian

L C 0- 3 Malice 6’15″ Andy

L C 0- 4 Malice 8’15″ Ian

L C 0- 5 Malice 9’25″ Matt

Malice had this tie by the scruff of the neck by the third game. Still lots of quality hustle from Los Conos and noone can doubt they are probably one of the best teams on the entire planet. If not, the world.